Dear non-employee,

Please join us for a mandatory* all-hands meeting to discuss our fictional company and also to hang out and do some work. There may or may not be games and live music.

Friends are welcome; standard referral fees** will be distributed for all confirmed matriculated new team members you refer.

Please refer to your local department head for all questions.

Keep paradigm-ing!
Tony
Lead Evangelist & Boulder Regional Coordinator

* All mandatory meetings are entirely optional.
** This fee is currently set at the rate of one emphatic high-five.